Balancing High School, Activities, and Mental Health: A Parent’s Honest Struggle
Freshman year changes everything. Suddenly, the calendar fills with football games, school dances, clubs, and new social opportunities. For parents of dancers, athletes, or kids deeply committed to any activity, it can feel like a tug of war. How do we keep them on track with the sport or art they have worked so hard at, while also letting them just be teenagers?
The truth is, it is not easy. And I will be the first to admit, I am still learning how to balance my daughter’s high level training with the fact that she also wants to experience the regular parts of high school life.
Step 1: Letting Go of Our Own Insecurities
When my daughter asks to skip class for a football game, the first thought that comes to my mind is “what if she falls behind.” That fear is real for so many parents. But sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is step back and say “okay.”
Our kids deserve the space to make their own choices. Dance, or any sport, might still be central to who they are, but they also need room to explore. And when they do push back, they will also face the natural consequences of their decisions. That is how they grow.
Step 2: Choosing the Battles Worth Fighting
As parents, we still know what is best for their long term growth. For me, conventions and master classes are a non negotiable. They might feel overwhelming at first, but I know she thrives once she is there. Those experiences stretch her in ways regular classes cannot.
The lesson here is that not every hill is worth dying on, but some are. Pick the moments where you push, because those are the ones that will matter most later.
Step 3: Teaching Commitment Without Crushing Curiosity
It is a tricky balance. On one hand, I want my daughter to try new things, say yes to social opportunities, and discover who she is outside of dance. On the other, I need to remind her that when you commit to something, whether it is a dance team, a soccer team, or a school club, you show up.
This is where I also remind myself that studios, gyms, and clubs are businesses. They will carry on with or without us. That means it is okay to acknowledge that sometimes chapters close sooner than we expect. As parents, we have to prepare ourselves for that possibility while still supporting the commitments our kids have chosen.
Step 4: Allowing Dreams to Shift
Do I imagine my daughter graduating in dance? Absolutely. Right now, her dreams include teaching, choreographing, and leading her own teams someday. And I believe in those dreams with my whole heart.
But I also know that just like adults, teens deserve the freedom to shift their dreams as they grow and discover new passions. If we expect them to never change course, we set them up for burnout.
Step 5: Grace for Them and for Us
The bottom line is this. Our kids will always carry pieces of their passions with them, but the only way to prevent a full stop is to allow balance. Social activities, new ideas, and commitment can all exist together.
Some weeks we will get it right. Other weeks will feel like chaos. And that is okay. Parenting teens is not about having it perfectly figured out, it is about holding space for their passions while giving them permission to grow into themselves.
Final Thoughts…
Here is what I am realizing. As parents we often build an identity around our child’s sport or activity. We wear the titles proudly. Dance mom. Baseball dad. Cheer aunt. Football parent. We travel, we fundraise, we commit countless hours because their dream becomes part of who we are too. But the hard truth is our kids may change. In fact, they probably will. They may swap dance for softball, acting, farming, robotics, or something we never saw coming.
That is why we have to remember we need our own identities and our own activities too. Because while their passions will grow, shift, and change, we are still ourselves. And no matter what, we as parents are all the same in this struggle, trying to balance our kids’ worlds with our own. You are not alone.
