Mean Girls, Dance Moms, and Finding Your Peace in the Studio Lobby

There’s a stereotype in the dance world that honestly gets under my skin a little.

The “mean girl” dance mom.
The whispering in the lobby.
The eye rolls when someone walks in.
The group chats that somehow always seem to turn into gossip.

And let’s be real… sometimes the dancers feel it too.

Now before we go any further, I want to say something that might surprise you.

If your way of protecting your peace at the studio is sitting quietly in your car… scrolling TikTok… answering emails… or just enjoying a few moments of silence before the chaos of pick-up time…

That’s okay.

You don’t have to be the most social person in the room.
You don’t have to sit in the lobby every single class.
You don’t have to insert yourself into every conversation.

But here’s the part that matters.

You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide to feel comfortable.

Dance studios should be spaces where dancers feel safe to grow, and where parents feel welcomed too.

And yet, if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes the dance world can start to feel a little like a middle school cafeteria.

You know the one.

One table laughs a little too loudly.
Another group stops talking when someone walks by.
Someone makes a comment that technically isn’t mean… but also definitely isn’t kind.

Suddenly people start wondering:

“Do they like us?”
“Did we do something wrong?”
“Should I just stay out of the lobby?”

And that’s the moment when the culture of a studio can quietly start to shift.

The tricky thing about “mean girl” behavior is that most of the time… it’s not intentional.

Most parents are just tired.
Or stressed.
Or protective of their kid.
Or venting about competition schedules, quick changes, or the fact that awards are somehow always at 10:45 PM.

But somewhere along the line, venting can turn into gossip.

And gossip can turn into exclusion.

And exclusion is where things start to hurt people.

Here’s the part that’s important for both dancers and parents to understand.

You can absolutely find yourself with egg on your face realizing you accidentally became part of the exact thing you dislike.

It happens.

Someone starts talking.
You nod along.
Maybe you add a small comment.
Next thing you know you’re knee-deep in a conversation that suddenly feels a little… icky.

If you’ve ever had that moment, welcome to being human.

The goal isn’t perfection.
The goal is awareness.

Because the dance world, just like the real world, gives us a lot of chances to choose how we show up.

For our dancers, one of the most powerful lessons we can teach is this:

You don’t have to participate in unkindness to belong.

If someone starts talking badly about another dancer, a few simple responses can change the entire tone of the conversation.

You can redirect the conversation.
You can stay quiet.
You can say something kind about the person being discussed.

Sometimes the most powerful move is simply not joining in.

For parents, the same rule applies.

It’s easy to get pulled into the swirl of competition season. Emotions run high. Everyone wants their dancer to succeed. Schedules are chaotic, nerves are high, and coffee consumption is… aggressive.

But we also set the tone.

The way we talk about other dancers.
The way we treat other parents.
The way we respond when someone else succeeds.

Our dancers notice all of it.

And here’s the twist that the movie Mean Girls actually got right.

Nobody wakes up one day planning to become “the mean girl.”

It usually happens in tiny moments.

A joke that went a little too far.
A side comment that didn’t need to be said.
A group chat that slowly becomes a gossip thread.

Before you know it, the environment starts to feel tense instead of supportive.

The good news?

Culture can shift just as easily in the other direction.

It starts with small choices.
Say hello to the new parent in the lobby.
Celebrate another dancer’s win, even if your kid didn’t place that day.
Compliment the costume.
Encourage the nervous soloist.
Smile at the parent who looks like they’ve had a long day.

Those tiny interactions add up more than we realize.

Because the truth is, most dance families are here for the exact same reason.

We want our kids to grow.
To gain confidence.
To work hard.
To learn resilience.

And ideally, to do it in an environment that feels supportive, not stressful.

So if you’re the parent who sits in your car sometimes?

You’re doing just fine.

If you’re the dancer who keeps to yourself a little?

That’s okay too!

But if you have the chance to make the studio feel just a little bit more welcoming for someone else… take it.

Because the dance world doesn’t need more “Plastics.”

It needs more people willing to lead with kindness.

And the beautiful thing is… that leadership doesn’t require a title.

It just requires showing up the way you’d want your dancer to show up.

Until next time, TCDM Fam. 💙